"16 And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.

I Samuel 23:16

We can't always physically go to our friends but thank you Jesus for phones and email. My "Jonathan" lives in Atoka, Oklahoma and my heart aches to think about how far that really is. Treva is my intercessor when the world is threatening to destroy me. We all have been in situations where it feels like God is so far away. I'm sure David felt that way in Horesh. Running from Saul with all he had. I can't imagine having an entire army after me, hell bent on my destruction! What I can feel is Satan hot on my heels with all the fury of hell bent on dragging me down. God is so good to not allow Treva and I to be clawing out of a pit at the same time! We just go back and forth reaching down to pull the other up and reminding eachother that God is STILL on the throne, forever and ever, amen! About a year ago I found my father. He hadn't even known I existed so it was hard to deal with all of these emotions without having anyone to point the finger at. I really wish I could say that I had clung to Jesus and rode out the tidal wave of pain but I have to be honest and admit that Satan took me to depths I pray fervently to never see again. When my sin was discovered, I was devastated and mortified. In my shame and with my slayed heart I cried out to my Lord for relief and He told me to call Treva. I didn't want to. I didn't want to explain how I could fall so far. I didn't want to hear the disappointment in her voice. I called anyway. I wasn't met with disappointment. I was met with tears, with comfort, with prayers for restoration. I only hope I can be so gracious in her time of need. So I pray for you, reader, that you would have your own "Jonathan" to point you back to your Lord when life beats you up, because it will.

Come quickly Lord Jesus.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! My spirit cries out Thank you Jesus! After being at work all week with people who worship themselves and have no desire for God or the things of God. I'm so thankful for the Lord's day and to sit and learn from a gifted pastor. We're between pastor's right now but our interim pastor/church planter is definately annointed of God and I absorb so much from him. I really couldn't tell you why. Maybe it's really just a thirst in my soul for truth in the midst of so much garbage. My 6 yr old nephew was baptised last night. I was amazed at the sense of relief it gave me. I actually caught myself thinking that baptism would save him. I'm not sure where that came from, it shocked me. Only he knows if his salvation is real, that's the same for all of us. And at 6 years of age, some people would question. His parents are godly people and personal I believe if Nik and Joe didn't truly believe it was real they wouldn't have let him go ahead with it. Adding to the sweetness of the moment was Joe baptising his own son into the family of God. How I long for that experience for our own sons. Derek and his brother, Joseph both gave their lives over to ministry. Derek goes about it by attending seminary and prayerfully waiting for opportunities to serve, currently that is an opportunity to lead a mens bible study in our church. Joseph studied under a godly pastor and many godly authors and prayerfully waited for his assignment from the Lord, pastoring a sweet little church in Spring Valley, Ohio, while working another job to provide for his family. He views it as evangelistic opportunity (Correct me if I'm wrong on that one, Joe.) Both of them are the product of a mother who pours her heart out in prayer and studies her bible dilligently and a father who does the same, but also questions what his pastors, teachers, authors tell him while absorbing an astonishing amount of information. I'm telling you if there was anything I wanted to know, I'd know exactly who to go to. It makes for good conversation.. My upbringing was vastly different but no less shaping of me. I grew up in a lost household by a single mother who worked so hard. My father never knew I existed until recently. It wasn't until Derek and I got married that I realized my need for Christ and since then I've been learning to lay all of my issues at his feet. It's amazing though how God uses your circumstances to give you what you need for ministry. I have such a heart for hearting women. I don't really know what God has in store but I know he's working. Meanwhile I'm going to sit under the tutaledge of a gifted pastor and a godly family and pray for his will. Thank you God for another Lord's Day and give me Your heart for the coming week.

Worries.....

My sweet little Reagan. We had an anxious visit to the opthamologist yesterday morning to see if his left eye was lazy. Praise the Lord! His vision is just as it should be...I was so worrying about having to put a patch over his eye and getting it to STAY there...ugh. But God is good and has taken my worry away. I keep reminding myself of Philipians 4:6 -7 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." God is slowing showing me to take this verse to heart. I'm such a worrier. If it's there to be worried about believe me I'm worrying. I don't know why I do that. I used to think it was a mom thing, then I thought it was a woman thing, but as I thought about it I realized it was a me thing. I've always worried. Now I have to learn to lay those worries where they belong, at the feet of Christ. It's interesting because even in some very scary times, I felt the most peace because it was all in God's hands and I had prayed and laid it all bare before him. Peace would wash over like a river and yet, sometimes I still hang on to those worries. It's a process, every day confessing and allowing the peace to come. Lord help me to be strong....