Mommy Guilt
I'm finishing up my first month of working full time and you know, I kinda like it. Enter...mommy guilt. Everyone talks about it. I keep waiting for it to come and it doesn't. So I develop a new and more viscious hybrid of the mommy guilt.....the "I don't have mommy guilt, mommy guilt" I didn't realize I was doing this to myself until a friend of mine asked me how I was doing and I found myself rationalizing why I didn't feel guilty. Shouldn't I be glad I don't have to deal with guilt when I leave every morning for work? I'm blessed to have a husband who takes excellent care of our children and works very hard at home while he studies and does his homework. God has worked this situation out His way and it's perfect. I may not understand why but I know that HIS will is perfect. Now we are in the midst of a church search. I keep asking God to give me wisdom but every Sunday I'm more confused. Is this the church we are supposed to serve and worship in? Or was it that one we went to last month. Then I find myself whining in my spirit about what this or that church doesn't have.
James 4:3 says "When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
What a wake up call. I'm not asking God for wisdom to do His will, I've been asking him for wisdom to find the church with the most friendly people, the best children's programming, the most Godly pastor. All of these things are to enhance my experience there, not to be within God's will and plan for my life. Somehow I've forgotten that. Shame on me. Hopefully I can mold my heart to His and learn to long for what is His will for my life. Is it me or is that really hard!! I know God's will is perfect and that He knows what he is doing but it is so hard sometimes to seek His will because I know that sometimes he's going to ask me to do things I may not want to do. They might be the best thing for me but if it makes me uncomfortable, confrontational, unlikable....I don't wanna. Believe me I can be as obstinate as a two year old. Realizing your obstinate nature is the first step in eliminating it.....I pray. Lord give me strength...
