Whose life is this anyway?!

It seems I have forgotten whose life I am living again.

As I reread that last sentence again the truth of it slaps me in the face. I go about my day filling it with what I think needs to happen, what I think I should do, working toward filling my goals for MYself... Anyone else noticing a pattern? I, I, I, I have taken over a life that doesn't belong to me. My life belongs to God. I know that, and yet most of the time I forget. He made me, He breathed life into my body, He has plans for me. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11,

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Rick Warren pointed out the obvious in "The Purpose Driven Life", it's not about me. My life isn't about me at all, it's about what God would have me do. I admit fully to fear of this. It's hard to stand up in the midst of mockers and profess the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. Some times your own family thinks you've lost it....completely. There are times, big and small, when I stumble. I'll lose sight of who I am in Christ and I'll curl up in a dark pit and berate myself for all the things I've done wrong in the past. Every time there has been a beloved brother or sister in Christ who has pulled me up helped me to dust off and get back on the path. I'm so grateful for them. I don't want to live in that pit. I want to live the life God has given me, His Way. He has equipt me to do the work he wants me to do. Now I need to chuck the fear and do it. Lord have mercy that's so hard. Those of you who work in a secular workplace know how hard it is to shine the love of Christ in that environment. Sometimes it's cut throat, sometimes the sinful nature of man has taken over and people are just plain mean. It's so hard. I find myself repeating to myself over and over, Lord, not my will but yours.
His Will is perfect. I know and believe that and yet it is sill hard to submit to it most of the time. Call it strong willed or bull headed or even just stubborn but I'm human and I always want to take care of it myself. Why I do it when I know that God's way is so much better I have no idea. Tomorrow starts another day of work. Lord be with me and help me live out your will. Everyday.


"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." Psalm 42:1