I'm so tired of the immodest way women are dressing, I'm tired of trying to find clothes that fit but aren't immoral. Worse still, I'm tired of seeing children dressed like prostitutes right under their parents noses. What amazes me is the parent's seemingly indifferent attitude about it. "But she's so cute!", "She's only a baby (4 years old) she doesn't have to be modest....per se'". And the most unbelievable yet, "I couldn't find anything modest for her to wear at the store.", "All the skirts are that short", "All the shirts were cut that low". What scares me is this one, "She's only 14, no one is looking at her anyway." That one came from a father if you can believe that.
When you let your children dress that way you're teaching them that flirtation is cute. Overt sexuality is cute. Down right cheapness is cute. What, they're going to stop dressing that way by some magical sense of righteousness when they become teenagers? We have such a horrendous time getting employees to dress appropriately for work. They're always hanging out of their tops, or wearing jeans cut so low you can see their panties over the top of them, or worse the string of their thong. I just don't understand why more parents aren't appalled by this and therefore go out and buy these things for their children, whereby encouraging the clothing industry to create more provocative, more trashy clothing for our children to wear. All I have to say is.....Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me boys. Now the challenge will be to keep them pure as long as I can and to teach them that women are not objects but something to be cherished and treated with respect. God give me strength...
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
"16 And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.
I Samuel 23:16
We can't always physically go to our friends but thank you Jesus for phones and email. My "Jonathan" lives in Atoka, Oklahoma and my heart aches to think about how far that really is. Treva is my intercessor when the world is threatening to destroy me. We all have been in situations where it feels like God is so far away. I'm sure David felt that way in Horesh. Running from Saul with all he had. I can't imagine having an entire army after me, hell bent on my destruction! What I can feel is Satan hot on my heels with all the fury of hell bent on dragging me down. God is so good to not allow Treva and I to be clawing out of a pit at the same time! We just go back and forth reaching down to pull the other up and reminding eachother that God is STILL on the throne, forever and ever, amen! About a year ago I found my father. He hadn't even known I existed so it was hard to deal with all of these emotions without having anyone to point the finger at. I really wish I could say that I had clung to Jesus and rode out the tidal wave of pain but I have to be honest and admit that Satan took me to depths I pray fervently to never see again. When my sin was discovered, I was devastated and mortified. In my shame and with my slayed heart I cried out to my Lord for relief and He told me to call Treva. I didn't want to. I didn't want to explain how I could fall so far. I didn't want to hear the disappointment in her voice. I called anyway. I wasn't met with disappointment. I was met with tears, with comfort, with prayers for restoration. I only hope I can be so gracious in her time of need. So I pray for you, reader, that you would have your own "Jonathan" to point you back to your Lord when life beats you up, because it will.
Come quickly Lord Jesus.
I Samuel 23:16
We can't always physically go to our friends but thank you Jesus for phones and email. My "Jonathan" lives in Atoka, Oklahoma and my heart aches to think about how far that really is. Treva is my intercessor when the world is threatening to destroy me. We all have been in situations where it feels like God is so far away. I'm sure David felt that way in Horesh. Running from Saul with all he had. I can't imagine having an entire army after me, hell bent on my destruction! What I can feel is Satan hot on my heels with all the fury of hell bent on dragging me down. God is so good to not allow Treva and I to be clawing out of a pit at the same time! We just go back and forth reaching down to pull the other up and reminding eachother that God is STILL on the throne, forever and ever, amen! About a year ago I found my father. He hadn't even known I existed so it was hard to deal with all of these emotions without having anyone to point the finger at. I really wish I could say that I had clung to Jesus and rode out the tidal wave of pain but I have to be honest and admit that Satan took me to depths I pray fervently to never see again. When my sin was discovered, I was devastated and mortified. In my shame and with my slayed heart I cried out to my Lord for relief and He told me to call Treva. I didn't want to. I didn't want to explain how I could fall so far. I didn't want to hear the disappointment in her voice. I called anyway. I wasn't met with disappointment. I was met with tears, with comfort, with prayers for restoration. I only hope I can be so gracious in her time of need. So I pray for you, reader, that you would have your own "Jonathan" to point you back to your Lord when life beats you up, because it will.
Come quickly Lord Jesus.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! My spirit cries out Thank you Jesus! After being at work all week with people who worship themselves and have no desire for God or the things of God. I'm so thankful for the Lord's day and to sit and learn from a gifted pastor. We're between pastor's right now but our interim pastor/church planter is definately annointed of God and I absorb so much from him. I really couldn't tell you why. Maybe it's really just a thirst in my soul for truth in the midst of so much garbage. My 6 yr old nephew was baptised last night. I was amazed at the sense of relief it gave me. I actually caught myself thinking that baptism would save him. I'm not sure where that came from, it shocked me. Only he knows if his salvation is real, that's the same for all of us. And at 6 years of age, some people would question. His parents are godly people and personal I believe if Nik and Joe didn't truly believe it was real they wouldn't have let him go ahead with it. Adding to the sweetness of the moment was Joe baptising his own son into the family of God. How I long for that experience for our own sons. Derek and his brother, Joseph both gave their lives over to ministry. Derek goes about it by attending seminary and prayerfully waiting for opportunities to serve, currently that is an opportunity to lead a mens bible study in our church. Joseph studied under a godly pastor and many godly authors and prayerfully waited for his assignment from the Lord, pastoring a sweet little church in Spring Valley, Ohio, while working another job to provide for his family. He views it as evangelistic opportunity (Correct me if I'm wrong on that one, Joe.) Both of them are the product of a mother who pours her heart out in prayer and studies her bible dilligently and a father who does the same, but also questions what his pastors, teachers, authors tell him while absorbing an astonishing amount of information. I'm telling you if there was anything I wanted to know, I'd know exactly who to go to. It makes for good conversation.. My upbringing was vastly different but no less shaping of me. I grew up in a lost household by a single mother who worked so hard. My father never knew I existed until recently. It wasn't until Derek and I got married that I realized my need for Christ and since then I've been learning to lay all of my issues at his feet. It's amazing though how God uses your circumstances to give you what you need for ministry. I have such a heart for hearting women. I don't really know what God has in store but I know he's working. Meanwhile I'm going to sit under the tutaledge of a gifted pastor and a godly family and pray for his will. Thank you God for another Lord's Day and give me Your heart for the coming week.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Worries.....
My sweet little Reagan. We had an anxious visit to the opthamologist yesterday morning to see if his left eye was lazy. Praise the Lord! His vision is just as it should be...I was so worrying about having to put a patch over his eye and getting it to STAY there...ugh. But God is good and has taken my worry away. I keep reminding myself of Philipians 4:6 -7 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." God is slowing showing me to take this verse to heart. I'm such a worrier. If it's there to be worried about believe me I'm worrying. I don't know why I do that. I used to think it was a mom thing, then I thought it was a woman thing, but as I thought about it I realized it was a me thing. I've always worried. Now I have to learn to lay those worries where they belong, at the feet of Christ. It's interesting because even in some very scary times, I felt the most peace because it was all in God's hands and I had prayed and laid it all bare before him. Peace would wash over like a river and yet, sometimes I still hang on to those worries. It's a process, every day confessing and allowing the peace to come. Lord help me to be strong....
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
A little Venting
I'm just going to vent here for a minute. I noticed this article on Yahoo just a minute ago
What a sad situation. It's bad enough that the poor man has to have it blabbed all over the news, then I see this further into the article
Why would the AP be allowed to hear the 911 call?? What in the WORLD makes them think they are entitled to that information?! Are we so bored with ourselves that we need to pry so deeply into someone elses pain? I don't know anything about this guy except that he is an awesome football player. I don't need to know why he attempted suicide, how many pills he took, what his buddy said to the 911 operator and neither do the rest of us! This is yet another example of the press usurping our privacy. They claim the right to free speech, what about his right to have an emergency without the free world knowing all the details?! Does the press' right to invade our lives override our right to keep things to ourselves? How ridiculous!
They do this with all the celebrity babies, celebrity romances, Politician's personal lives. It's disgusting, and yet nothing happens. You know why? Because we keep buying the magazines and reading the articles, and buying into every little piece of questionable and sometimes biased information they put out there as truth.
I don't know about you but I've had enough.
DALLAS (AP) -- Flamboyant Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens tried to kill himself by overdosing on pain medication, even putting two more pills into his mouth after a friend intervened, according to a police report obtained Wednesday.
What a sad situation. It's bad enough that the poor man has to have it blabbed all over the news, then I see this further into the article
Watson and fire department spokesman Joel Lavender cited privacy laws for the lack of information they could provide. Lavender said more details could come from the 911 call. The Associated Press filed a request under the Freedom of Information Act to get the contents of the call
Why would the AP be allowed to hear the 911 call?? What in the WORLD makes them think they are entitled to that information?! Are we so bored with ourselves that we need to pry so deeply into someone elses pain? I don't know anything about this guy except that he is an awesome football player. I don't need to know why he attempted suicide, how many pills he took, what his buddy said to the 911 operator and neither do the rest of us! This is yet another example of the press usurping our privacy. They claim the right to free speech, what about his right to have an emergency without the free world knowing all the details?! Does the press' right to invade our lives override our right to keep things to ourselves? How ridiculous!
They do this with all the celebrity babies, celebrity romances, Politician's personal lives. It's disgusting, and yet nothing happens. You know why? Because we keep buying the magazines and reading the articles, and buying into every little piece of questionable and sometimes biased information they put out there as truth.
I don't know about you but I've had enough.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Whose life is this anyway?!
It seems I have forgotten whose life I am living again.
As I reread that last sentence again the truth of it slaps me in the face. I go about my day filling it with what I think needs to happen, what I think I should do, working toward filling my goals for MYself... Anyone else noticing a pattern? I, I, I, I have taken over a life that doesn't belong to me. My life belongs to God. I know that, and yet most of the time I forget. He made me, He breathed life into my body, He has plans for me. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11,
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Rick Warren pointed out the obvious in "The Purpose Driven Life", it's not about me. My life isn't about me at all, it's about what God would have me do. I admit fully to fear of this. It's hard to stand up in the midst of mockers and profess the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. Some times your own family thinks you've lost it....completely. There are times, big and small, when I stumble. I'll lose sight of who I am in Christ and I'll curl up in a dark pit and berate myself for all the things I've done wrong in the past. Every time there has been a beloved brother or sister in Christ who has pulled me up helped me to dust off and get back on the path. I'm so grateful for them. I don't want to live in that pit. I want to live the life God has given me, His Way. He has equipt me to do the work he wants me to do. Now I need to chuck the fear and do it. Lord have mercy that's so hard. Those of you who work in a secular workplace know how hard it is to shine the love of Christ in that environment. Sometimes it's cut throat, sometimes the sinful nature of man has taken over and people are just plain mean. It's so hard. I find myself repeating to myself over and over, Lord, not my will but yours.
His Will is perfect. I know and believe that and yet it is sill hard to submit to it most of the time. Call it strong willed or bull headed or even just stubborn but I'm human and I always want to take care of it myself. Why I do it when I know that God's way is so much better I have no idea. Tomorrow starts another day of work. Lord be with me and help me live out your will. Everyday.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." Psalm 42:1
As I reread that last sentence again the truth of it slaps me in the face. I go about my day filling it with what I think needs to happen, what I think I should do, working toward filling my goals for MYself... Anyone else noticing a pattern? I, I, I, I have taken over a life that doesn't belong to me. My life belongs to God. I know that, and yet most of the time I forget. He made me, He breathed life into my body, He has plans for me. The Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11,
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Rick Warren pointed out the obvious in "The Purpose Driven Life", it's not about me. My life isn't about me at all, it's about what God would have me do. I admit fully to fear of this. It's hard to stand up in the midst of mockers and profess the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. Some times your own family thinks you've lost it....completely. There are times, big and small, when I stumble. I'll lose sight of who I am in Christ and I'll curl up in a dark pit and berate myself for all the things I've done wrong in the past. Every time there has been a beloved brother or sister in Christ who has pulled me up helped me to dust off and get back on the path. I'm so grateful for them. I don't want to live in that pit. I want to live the life God has given me, His Way. He has equipt me to do the work he wants me to do. Now I need to chuck the fear and do it. Lord have mercy that's so hard. Those of you who work in a secular workplace know how hard it is to shine the love of Christ in that environment. Sometimes it's cut throat, sometimes the sinful nature of man has taken over and people are just plain mean. It's so hard. I find myself repeating to myself over and over, Lord, not my will but yours.
His Will is perfect. I know and believe that and yet it is sill hard to submit to it most of the time. Call it strong willed or bull headed or even just stubborn but I'm human and I always want to take care of it myself. Why I do it when I know that God's way is so much better I have no idea. Tomorrow starts another day of work. Lord be with me and help me live out your will. Everyday.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." Psalm 42:1
Monday, July 10, 2006
To Guilt or not To Guilt? That is the question.
Mommy Guilt
I'm finishing up my first month of working full time and you know, I kinda like it. Enter...mommy guilt. Everyone talks about it. I keep waiting for it to come and it doesn't. So I develop a new and more viscious hybrid of the mommy guilt.....the "I don't have mommy guilt, mommy guilt" I didn't realize I was doing this to myself until a friend of mine asked me how I was doing and I found myself rationalizing why I didn't feel guilty. Shouldn't I be glad I don't have to deal with guilt when I leave every morning for work? I'm blessed to have a husband who takes excellent care of our children and works very hard at home while he studies and does his homework. God has worked this situation out His way and it's perfect. I may not understand why but I know that HIS will is perfect. Now we are in the midst of a church search. I keep asking God to give me wisdom but every Sunday I'm more confused. Is this the church we are supposed to serve and worship in? Or was it that one we went to last month. Then I find myself whining in my spirit about what this or that church doesn't have.
James 4:3 says "When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
What a wake up call. I'm not asking God for wisdom to do His will, I've been asking him for wisdom to find the church with the most friendly people, the best children's programming, the most Godly pastor. All of these things are to enhance my experience there, not to be within God's will and plan for my life. Somehow I've forgotten that. Shame on me. Hopefully I can mold my heart to His and learn to long for what is His will for my life. Is it me or is that really hard!! I know God's will is perfect and that He knows what he is doing but it is so hard sometimes to seek His will because I know that sometimes he's going to ask me to do things I may not want to do. They might be the best thing for me but if it makes me uncomfortable, confrontational, unlikable....I don't wanna. Believe me I can be as obstinate as a two year old. Realizing your obstinate nature is the first step in eliminating it.....I pray. Lord give me strength...
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Ah, moving.....again.
What is it about moving that makes you want to throw everything away. I have never been in such a mood to purge useless items as I am right now. I was packing today and as I was packing things away into yet another box I was thinking to myself, "I could just throw this away." But I didn't, I packed it into the box and even wrote on the outside of the box the name of that particular item so I'd know where it was. Why? Because as I was contemplating throwing it away I remembered the day I bought it, how excited Wyatt was to hold it and touch it. How even with his limited vocabulary he found the words to tell me about it. And 2 years later Reagan felt the same way about it. How can I throw away those memories?! Shame on me! Right?
It's not the item that's important, it's the feeling it evokes and subconsciously I was clinging to the memory by hanging on to an old toy. How often do we do that with old sin, or an area of our lives we just won't surrender to the Lord's will because it's just too dear to us. We cling to it and hope God doesn't notice, as if that's possible. It's our way of maintaining control while allowing everyone else to think we're in complete surrender. A holy farce.... Can't we just keep our little charade going...just until we aren't afraid to give it up? NO! Satan will and does use those seemingly little sins as a way to infiltrate the parts of our lives that are under control. Believe me sister...I'm proof of that. God be praised, I'm learning everyday through His Word to surrender.
So how do we get there? How do we begin to surrender? It's one step at a time. Have faith that His promises are true. (2Timothy 3:16) Have faith that he hears you when you're in the deepest pit imaginable. (Romans 8:26) Have faith that no matter how difficult the road to obedience He will be with you. (Mattew 28:20b) Believe with your whole heart that He sent His only son to die for YOU, yes you. So that you would have everlasting life. (John 3:16) He knows how broken you are. He knows how badly you've messed up. He knows your most embarrassingly horrible thoughts and guess what.... He still loves you. He does.
Cling to that.
It's not the item that's important, it's the feeling it evokes and subconsciously I was clinging to the memory by hanging on to an old toy. How often do we do that with old sin, or an area of our lives we just won't surrender to the Lord's will because it's just too dear to us. We cling to it and hope God doesn't notice, as if that's possible. It's our way of maintaining control while allowing everyone else to think we're in complete surrender. A holy farce.... Can't we just keep our little charade going...just until we aren't afraid to give it up? NO! Satan will and does use those seemingly little sins as a way to infiltrate the parts of our lives that are under control. Believe me sister...I'm proof of that. God be praised, I'm learning everyday through His Word to surrender.
So how do we get there? How do we begin to surrender? It's one step at a time. Have faith that His promises are true. (2Timothy 3:16) Have faith that he hears you when you're in the deepest pit imaginable. (Romans 8:26) Have faith that no matter how difficult the road to obedience He will be with you. (Mattew 28:20b) Believe with your whole heart that He sent His only son to die for YOU, yes you. So that you would have everlasting life. (John 3:16) He knows how broken you are. He knows how badly you've messed up. He knows your most embarrassingly horrible thoughts and guess what.... He still loves you. He does.
Cling to that.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Do you ever just long for quiet? I'm not talking about quieting of external noise, I mean a quiet in your soul. My husband and I have finally had a weekend to ourselves. I think it's been about 4 years since that has happened. Can I just tell you, it's been wonderful! Not that I don't adore our boys but before this weekend I honestly couldn't wrap my mind around a day where I wasn't constantly being engaged in conversations about trucks and cars and Caillou and Blues Clues and SPORTACUS for goodness sake..But since Saturday morning when I had 2 hours of total silence (imagine that ladies..) I wish the silence would not end.
You know, God has blessed us so richly lately that sometimes I'm afraid that this new found fervor in my spirit is just a by-product of His blessing on our lives. And maybe that's true. I've been praying that God would help me develop disciplines now that will help me when the desert comes because sisters, let me tell you....it'sa comin'! I think our pastor, Dr. John Ewart, said once, the harder you hit Satan the harder he hits back. Well I intend to wail on him a little bit so Lord, help me to prepare for the battle! I've been working through a book by Donald Whitney called Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian life, and it's wonderful! I know it sounds like a textbook but I promise it's easy to read and comical at times. The chapters are relatively short and have practical application points. It's really good...No seriously, get the book...GO! *poke, poke* It has changed the way I do bible study. All I have to say is no wonder I wasn't prepared for the battle when it came, my "sword" was rusty and dinged from misuse. It has changed the way I pray and the meaningfulness (is that a word?) of my prayers. Let me take a minute here and let you in on a little secret... If you don't ask....you won't receive. Shocking I know. I honestly was beginning to feel like God wasn't hearing me when I prayed but what's interesting and a little silly about that was that I wasn't really praying. I had stopped because I wasn't getting results immediately. My husband and I, and some warriors in our Sunday School class, have been praying for a job for me for about 2 years. Can you imagine my frustration at our financial hardship? I kept thinking, " Why won't He answer me!". He did and he was. What he was saying was, not now...and not here. It wasn't that He wasn't listening it was that I wasn't listening. Ouch.... Here's the great part. I have made a point of praying about everything and for everyone that needs it or asks for it. For instance, we receive a new prayer list every Wednesday night at church and I pray over that list all week long. You talk about watching the answers roll in. I don't know how I missed it before. Now granted, they're not always the answers WE want, but they are always the right answer and I'm glad of that. I don't want a god that wants my opinion, I want a God who is bigger, as a good friend once said. I don't want a god who is so small he's waiting on me to make a decision so he can move. My God knows his plan and He will have it His way. I don't know about you but I find immense comfort in that. He doesn't make mistakes so you know there is purpose in the hard times.
Lead me Lord.
Blessings to you my readers and you guessed it...I'm praying for you as you read my ramblings.
You know, God has blessed us so richly lately that sometimes I'm afraid that this new found fervor in my spirit is just a by-product of His blessing on our lives. And maybe that's true. I've been praying that God would help me develop disciplines now that will help me when the desert comes because sisters, let me tell you....it'sa comin'! I think our pastor, Dr. John Ewart, said once, the harder you hit Satan the harder he hits back. Well I intend to wail on him a little bit so Lord, help me to prepare for the battle! I've been working through a book by Donald Whitney called Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian life, and it's wonderful! I know it sounds like a textbook but I promise it's easy to read and comical at times. The chapters are relatively short and have practical application points. It's really good...No seriously, get the book...GO! *poke, poke* It has changed the way I do bible study. All I have to say is no wonder I wasn't prepared for the battle when it came, my "sword" was rusty and dinged from misuse. It has changed the way I pray and the meaningfulness (is that a word?) of my prayers. Let me take a minute here and let you in on a little secret... If you don't ask....you won't receive. Shocking I know. I honestly was beginning to feel like God wasn't hearing me when I prayed but what's interesting and a little silly about that was that I wasn't really praying. I had stopped because I wasn't getting results immediately. My husband and I, and some warriors in our Sunday School class, have been praying for a job for me for about 2 years. Can you imagine my frustration at our financial hardship? I kept thinking, " Why won't He answer me!". He did and he was. What he was saying was, not now...and not here. It wasn't that He wasn't listening it was that I wasn't listening. Ouch.... Here's the great part. I have made a point of praying about everything and for everyone that needs it or asks for it. For instance, we receive a new prayer list every Wednesday night at church and I pray over that list all week long. You talk about watching the answers roll in. I don't know how I missed it before. Now granted, they're not always the answers WE want, but they are always the right answer and I'm glad of that. I don't want a god that wants my opinion, I want a God who is bigger, as a good friend once said. I don't want a god who is so small he's waiting on me to make a decision so he can move. My God knows his plan and He will have it His way. I don't know about you but I find immense comfort in that. He doesn't make mistakes so you know there is purpose in the hard times.
Lead me Lord.
Blessings to you my readers and you guessed it...I'm praying for you as you read my ramblings.
Friday, May 19, 2006
God is so good! I got the job! I can't believe it...He's truly amazing. Not only did I get the job, but it pays more than I was asking and the benefits will start immediately. No 90 day waiting period so...Derek can move up with us. What a blessing! Derek has been working crazy shifts and horrible hours for so long I can't imagine being a normal family. Actually having dinner together as a family. Sending the boys off to play with their father. Devotional times as a family...with their father. I'm so overwhelmed with joy I can't stop crying. You have to understand the significance of this so you can see God's hand in it. I have been looking for work in Louisville for the last year and a half. Not so much as a response to my resume. I signed on with a temp agency, no positions. I start applying for positions in Ohio and not a month into the search I have an interview and here we are a month and a half after the search began and I'm employed. It's amazing what will happen when you are operating inside of God's will. Or trying to anyway! He's amazing. Thank you Abba Father!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I don't know about you but when God is "fixin" to do something big I usually get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not because I don't like what he does, but because I hate change. I hate it..I can't help myself. I'm an old stodger at heart. Any of my friends that are reading this might be surprised by that given the fact that we have moved 4 times in the last 6 years, not to mention my penchant for the dramatic. Somehow some kind of drama always seems to work it's way into my life. I think it's God's way of saying "Don't get cozy, sister. I'm in control here...We do it My way!" We've been hacking it out with the help of the Almighty in the form of some very generous monetary gifts, for the last 4 years. Lately though, I think God's trying to tell us it's time for a change. Derek has been working an average of 55 hours a week for the last 3 years and he's tired. Sick and tired. We've been praying for years for relief from this schedule and I think (hope) we're about to see that prayer answered. My mother just bought a house and generously asked us to move in so that we can afford to live on less income. With much prayer and leading from the Lord we've agreed to go. I can't say I'm not afraid, I am. I've had my own home for the last 6 years and it's going to be difficult to give that up. Ah, and here comes the big change. The plan is for me to go back to work. Which means I'm sending my wonderful boys to someone else during the day. Granted this is just until the insurance kicks in but the idea quite honestly makes me ill. Not because I have a hang up about whose job it is to care for my children but because I'm honestly afraid. Sure I want to be home with my sweeties, I love it and I think it's the best place for me but the best thing for my family right now is for me to help out so that Derek can get through seminary some time this century! What scares me about all this is how society is now days. It seems like every report on the news is about a child being abused, abducted, or worse murdered. Who knows if this person I trust with my children is really trust worthy. What do I do with all this fear? I take it to the Lord. Let's see what he has to say.
Psalm 4:8 says,"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."
The Lord alone...ALONE, is in control. I can worry all I want but ultimately it's fruitless because he controls the universe...every last bit. So I will sleep in peace KNOWING that his Word says He is in control.
Phillipians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
God doesn't want me to worry. God doesn't want me to fear. He wants me to trust that his will is what's best. He doesn't say nothing bad will ever happen just that His peace will guard my heart and mind. My SANITY! It's a good thing God can do all things.....
How about Phillipians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
When I worry what am I thinking about? I'll tell you what, it's none of those things. I have to say in the past this verse has saved me from despair. The world will tell me I have much reason to be defeated but God says, "not so!" In my darkest time I found that almost all of my thoughts were on whatever is false, whatever is unrefined, whatever is false, whatever is blemished, whatever is ugly, whatever is pitiful - anything that was failure or humiliating. Oh how I longed for my Lord and what healing came from His word.
So what do I do with my fear...I trust that God keeps his promises, and I pray for his strength and guidance because He is my El Roi....the God who sees even me. Thank you Jesus.
Psalm 4:8 says,"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."
The Lord alone...ALONE, is in control. I can worry all I want but ultimately it's fruitless because he controls the universe...every last bit. So I will sleep in peace KNOWING that his Word says He is in control.
Phillipians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
God doesn't want me to worry. God doesn't want me to fear. He wants me to trust that his will is what's best. He doesn't say nothing bad will ever happen just that His peace will guard my heart and mind. My SANITY! It's a good thing God can do all things.....
How about Phillipians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
When I worry what am I thinking about? I'll tell you what, it's none of those things. I have to say in the past this verse has saved me from despair. The world will tell me I have much reason to be defeated but God says, "not so!" In my darkest time I found that almost all of my thoughts were on whatever is false, whatever is unrefined, whatever is false, whatever is blemished, whatever is ugly, whatever is pitiful - anything that was failure or humiliating. Oh how I longed for my Lord and what healing came from His word.
So what do I do with my fear...I trust that God keeps his promises, and I pray for his strength and guidance because He is my El Roi....the God who sees even me. Thank you Jesus.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Adventures in Parenting
May 13, 2006
As mothers day approaches I was thinking about being a mom and what that has meant in my life. It hasn’t been long really. Wyatt, the oldest, is 3 and a half. Little Reagan is 18 months old and is the most mischievous thing! It seems like he is always trying to get one over on his poor mom and when I catch him he wrinkles up his little nose like a pug dog and grins, showing me all his teeth….he’s not a child, he’s a canine! It melts my heart every time though and I’m sure his frequency in using it testifies to the fact that he knows mommy’s wrapped around his little finger. I wasn’t so lax with Wyatt. He was a frequent member of the Time Out club at Reagan’s age. Don’t get the wrong idea now, he wasn’t being tortured just taught who was in charge..and it worked, for a while and now well, not so much. Matter of fact, now I’m not sure anything works. I really think he totally believes that daddy is the parent and the rest of us are children. We have even been teaching him the “Heirarchy of the family” (ha!). God first, Daddy and Mommy (for right now, Derek will teach him the head of the household stuff later), and then Wyatt and Reagan. Note not Wyatt then Reagan, it’s Wyatt AND Reagan. No child parenting child, that’s not a great habit to get into anyway. Believe me the desire to parent the younger child doesn’t go away when the younger child is old enough to make decisions for themselves. Sorry, I’m chasing a rabbit here….back to topic.
So what has it meant to be a mother. It means more understanding of my mother and the way she does things and how very HARD it must have been to do it on your own. Oh how much more I appreciate her now that I know how difficult it is with two parents. It means never going to the bathroom again without wondering what is going on while you’re in there. Once I came out of the bathroom only to find Wyatt dumping baby powder on Reagan’s head. There was baby powder everywhere. At the time we had hard wood floors so sweeping it was unbelievable, dust flew everywhere. I had to open the windows so I wouldn’t choke to death! Meanwhile Reagan looks like a snowman and quite literally had a tiny mountain of powder on the end of his nose. He wasn’t crawling yet so he really couldn’t get away from Wyatt once it started. I couldn’t decide to laugh or cry…I chose both. Once the bedroom was cleaned up I set out to clean up the boys. What an unbelievable mess. I really wanted to hang Reagan upside down and shake all the excess off but I figured CPS would be hanging out on my porch if I did. So I combed his hair. I tell you what, it was horrible. The comb barely made it through his hair and it really didn’t help much. I gave up and bathed him. Finally, after about 3 hair washings he looked reasonably clean. Needless to say, I put the baby powder (that never gets used) away from creative hands and prayed that there wouldn’t be a problem with their little lungs. This is just one example of all the little messes that come from having kids. Sadly, while some pray heartily every day for the opportunity to live with these little messes those who have them pray for a day without them.
Even when I’m pulling my hair out and feel like I’ve spent all day screaming, “get out of that/there”, “What are you doing!”, “Stop Screaming!”, etc, I’m happy for the blessing these children are. Even when I’m combing baby powder out of their hair.
“Her Children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
‘Many women do noble things but you surpass them all’” Proverbs 31:28-29
I don’t know what you reach for everyday. Do you have a goal? Is it to be an ok mother, or do you want to be a mother your children respect and love wholly. The verses in Proverbs are my goal. There are days, lots of them, that I fall woefully short. OK…not even close but I’m trying, and everyday I’m praying that God will make me new. Every day I start again. It’s not about the PTA or how other mothers see you and what kind of parent they think you are. It’s about what you hear in the quietness of your heart. Do they see Christ in you or do they see that everyone outside the house is what’s important inside the house. What kind of mother do you want to be?
As mothers day approaches I was thinking about being a mom and what that has meant in my life. It hasn’t been long really. Wyatt, the oldest, is 3 and a half. Little Reagan is 18 months old and is the most mischievous thing! It seems like he is always trying to get one over on his poor mom and when I catch him he wrinkles up his little nose like a pug dog and grins, showing me all his teeth….he’s not a child, he’s a canine! It melts my heart every time though and I’m sure his frequency in using it testifies to the fact that he knows mommy’s wrapped around his little finger. I wasn’t so lax with Wyatt. He was a frequent member of the Time Out club at Reagan’s age. Don’t get the wrong idea now, he wasn’t being tortured just taught who was in charge..and it worked, for a while and now well, not so much. Matter of fact, now I’m not sure anything works. I really think he totally believes that daddy is the parent and the rest of us are children. We have even been teaching him the “Heirarchy of the family” (ha!). God first, Daddy and Mommy (for right now, Derek will teach him the head of the household stuff later), and then Wyatt and Reagan. Note not Wyatt then Reagan, it’s Wyatt AND Reagan. No child parenting child, that’s not a great habit to get into anyway. Believe me the desire to parent the younger child doesn’t go away when the younger child is old enough to make decisions for themselves. Sorry, I’m chasing a rabbit here….back to topic.
So what has it meant to be a mother. It means more understanding of my mother and the way she does things and how very HARD it must have been to do it on your own. Oh how much more I appreciate her now that I know how difficult it is with two parents. It means never going to the bathroom again without wondering what is going on while you’re in there. Once I came out of the bathroom only to find Wyatt dumping baby powder on Reagan’s head. There was baby powder everywhere. At the time we had hard wood floors so sweeping it was unbelievable, dust flew everywhere. I had to open the windows so I wouldn’t choke to death! Meanwhile Reagan looks like a snowman and quite literally had a tiny mountain of powder on the end of his nose. He wasn’t crawling yet so he really couldn’t get away from Wyatt once it started. I couldn’t decide to laugh or cry…I chose both. Once the bedroom was cleaned up I set out to clean up the boys. What an unbelievable mess. I really wanted to hang Reagan upside down and shake all the excess off but I figured CPS would be hanging out on my porch if I did. So I combed his hair. I tell you what, it was horrible. The comb barely made it through his hair and it really didn’t help much. I gave up and bathed him. Finally, after about 3 hair washings he looked reasonably clean. Needless to say, I put the baby powder (that never gets used) away from creative hands and prayed that there wouldn’t be a problem with their little lungs. This is just one example of all the little messes that come from having kids. Sadly, while some pray heartily every day for the opportunity to live with these little messes those who have them pray for a day without them.
Even when I’m pulling my hair out and feel like I’ve spent all day screaming, “get out of that/there”, “What are you doing!”, “Stop Screaming!”, etc, I’m happy for the blessing these children are. Even when I’m combing baby powder out of their hair.
“Her Children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
‘Many women do noble things but you surpass them all’” Proverbs 31:28-29
I don’t know what you reach for everyday. Do you have a goal? Is it to be an ok mother, or do you want to be a mother your children respect and love wholly. The verses in Proverbs are my goal. There are days, lots of them, that I fall woefully short. OK…not even close but I’m trying, and everyday I’m praying that God will make me new. Every day I start again. It’s not about the PTA or how other mothers see you and what kind of parent they think you are. It’s about what you hear in the quietness of your heart. Do they see Christ in you or do they see that everyone outside the house is what’s important inside the house. What kind of mother do you want to be?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
May 10, 2006
During a business meeting today I was reminded why we dread business meetings. Inevitably in every church there is a member or two…or three….or hundred who mistake God’s house for their own. In this case the chairman of the Trustees publicly harangues the youth pastor for painting the youth area without the permission of the Trustees, although he kept saying I and me…but that is beside the point. He has a point as far as the chain of command but when he said “it was the worst paint job I have ever seen” I about blew my top. Those were teenagers who worked hard to paint their youth room. They chose a color, albeit not the most popular color there is, that made the place their own. At any rate, he berated their work and their creativity and I was angry. A “righteous anger” I thought. I was ready to tell him a thing or two, or maybe I should email the pastor and tell him how awful this person had behaved but SOMETHING had to be done……didn’t it? Let’s see what the Bible says about my “righteous anger”.
Psalm 39:1 says “I said, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.”
Isn’t it amazing how our TONGUE gets us into so much trouble. “ I will put a muzzle on my mouth”, amazing. That’s exactly what needed to happen and I think the Lord put a Holy Muzzle on my mouth. God be praised because Lord knows…well…anyway…
Proverbs 10: 19-21 says “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.”
How true! Sometimes doesn’t it feel like the more we say the bigger the hole we’re digging? And in the end don’t we wish we had just kept silent. If I had a nickel for every time I wish I had kept silent I would be a wealthy woman. The tongue of the righteous…..don’t’ you wonder what that is really? Who is that person with the tongue of the righteous? It’s not me I’ll tell you that! I wish it were…Maybe our silence keeps our tongue righteous while the heart of the wicked although they seem to have the upper hand, is of little value in the eternal scheme of things. Oh to have righteous lips that nourish many. Do you know what that means? Think about it. If you are nourishing with your lips you aren’t satisfying the stomach, you’re satisfying the mind….the soul even. Can you imagine having such control over our over run mouths that we nourish someone’s mind and soul when we speak? Only with God is that even remotely possible….at least for me!
Those verses keep my tongue under control, but what about my judgment of this person. My gut reaction was that he was being vicious but what does the Bible say about my judgment?
Matthew 7:1-5 says (as if you don’t know this one from over usage…) “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Ow., ow, ouch…Have I not, too, had moments when my mouth overstepped it’s bounds and was unrighteous…..hypocrite is right. It’s been a long time since I’ve really felt ashamed of myself for something I hought was justified. He may have been in the wrong but how many times have I been in the wrong……today? Yesterday? Last Week? Guess I better start working on this plank in my eye….forget the plank, maybe log is more appropriate.
I Corinthians 4:4 says, “My conscience is clear but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.”
It is the Lord who judges me…..and everyone else. Shame on me for judging him when it’s God’s job. Who am I to presume to know the Lord’s judgment. My goodness what pride…..eek! That’s a whole other ball of wax….
Okay so I’m controlling my tongue, I’m not going to judge, but what about the anger….the hurt in my heart for the harshness of his words. What does the bible say about anger?
Psalm 4:4 says, “ In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”
My anger caused me to sin that’s for sure. And doesn’t anger almost always cause us to sin? I really can’t think of a time when it didn’t. I have to be honest here and say I’m not sure of the significance of “when you are on your bed” but in my personal opinion solely based on my habits, when I am angry I dwell on it…I roll it around in my head like a pool ball that just won’t get in the pocket. When I try to sleep, it’s near impossible because I have worked myself up to a tizzy over something that probably isn’t that big of a deal. I should be searching my heart (for scripture in my opinion) and being….SILENT. There’s that hold your tongue stuff again….. I think I’m starting to get it now Lord…I think, I hope….
James 1:19-20 says, “ My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Is God a smart cookie or what….I mean seriously! He knew from the beginning of time our anger would get our mouths moving and shut our ears off. That God of ours…whew! My husband has a poster on the fridge that says “Life can be frustrating; Thank Goodness God has all the answers!” Can a girl get an amen?! God wants us to be righteous and how does anger fit into that? It doesn’t. IT DOESN’T! Yikes….
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? There’s no such thing as righteous anger….it’s an oxymoron as far as I’m concerned. What about Jesus over turning the tables at the temple, you say? In Mark 11:12-19 we see the story about Jesus driving out those buying and selling at the temple.. It doesn’t say anywhere in that passage of scripture that Jesus was angry. That’s a Hollywood adaptation or even an assumption on our part. As a matter of fact it says that he drove them out and as he did he TAUGHT (V. 17) them what they were doing was wrong. It reminds me of parenting in a way. Your children frustrate you when they do things wrong (my friends have seen, and heard, my frustration on occasion) so what should you do? Teach them the right thing to do through discipline. Getting angry does nothing but put on a show…an unrighteous one at that. So even the supposed Righteous anger of our Lord wasn’t anger at all, it was discipline.
God is amazing in His understanding of us and the messed up way we think, and there is healing in His Word. I feel so much better than I did in that moment of my supposed “righteous anger”. Maybe I’ll just encourage the youth pastor for engaging the kids in a project to help them work as a team. Maybe I’ll even point out what a nice job they did…..*wink*
Ah, come quickly Lord Jesus….
During a business meeting today I was reminded why we dread business meetings. Inevitably in every church there is a member or two…or three….or hundred who mistake God’s house for their own. In this case the chairman of the Trustees publicly harangues the youth pastor for painting the youth area without the permission of the Trustees, although he kept saying I and me…but that is beside the point. He has a point as far as the chain of command but when he said “it was the worst paint job I have ever seen” I about blew my top. Those were teenagers who worked hard to paint their youth room. They chose a color, albeit not the most popular color there is, that made the place their own. At any rate, he berated their work and their creativity and I was angry. A “righteous anger” I thought. I was ready to tell him a thing or two, or maybe I should email the pastor and tell him how awful this person had behaved but SOMETHING had to be done……didn’t it? Let’s see what the Bible says about my “righteous anger”.
Psalm 39:1 says “I said, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.”
Isn’t it amazing how our TONGUE gets us into so much trouble. “ I will put a muzzle on my mouth”, amazing. That’s exactly what needed to happen and I think the Lord put a Holy Muzzle on my mouth. God be praised because Lord knows…well…anyway…
Proverbs 10: 19-21 says “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.”
How true! Sometimes doesn’t it feel like the more we say the bigger the hole we’re digging? And in the end don’t we wish we had just kept silent. If I had a nickel for every time I wish I had kept silent I would be a wealthy woman. The tongue of the righteous…..don’t’ you wonder what that is really? Who is that person with the tongue of the righteous? It’s not me I’ll tell you that! I wish it were…Maybe our silence keeps our tongue righteous while the heart of the wicked although they seem to have the upper hand, is of little value in the eternal scheme of things. Oh to have righteous lips that nourish many. Do you know what that means? Think about it. If you are nourishing with your lips you aren’t satisfying the stomach, you’re satisfying the mind….the soul even. Can you imagine having such control over our over run mouths that we nourish someone’s mind and soul when we speak? Only with God is that even remotely possible….at least for me!
Those verses keep my tongue under control, but what about my judgment of this person. My gut reaction was that he was being vicious but what does the Bible say about my judgment?
Matthew 7:1-5 says (as if you don’t know this one from over usage…) “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Ow., ow, ouch…Have I not, too, had moments when my mouth overstepped it’s bounds and was unrighteous…..hypocrite is right. It’s been a long time since I’ve really felt ashamed of myself for something I hought was justified. He may have been in the wrong but how many times have I been in the wrong……today? Yesterday? Last Week? Guess I better start working on this plank in my eye….forget the plank, maybe log is more appropriate.
I Corinthians 4:4 says, “My conscience is clear but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.”
It is the Lord who judges me…..and everyone else. Shame on me for judging him when it’s God’s job. Who am I to presume to know the Lord’s judgment. My goodness what pride…..eek! That’s a whole other ball of wax….
Okay so I’m controlling my tongue, I’m not going to judge, but what about the anger….the hurt in my heart for the harshness of his words. What does the bible say about anger?
Psalm 4:4 says, “ In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”
My anger caused me to sin that’s for sure. And doesn’t anger almost always cause us to sin? I really can’t think of a time when it didn’t. I have to be honest here and say I’m not sure of the significance of “when you are on your bed” but in my personal opinion solely based on my habits, when I am angry I dwell on it…I roll it around in my head like a pool ball that just won’t get in the pocket. When I try to sleep, it’s near impossible because I have worked myself up to a tizzy over something that probably isn’t that big of a deal. I should be searching my heart (for scripture in my opinion) and being….SILENT. There’s that hold your tongue stuff again….. I think I’m starting to get it now Lord…I think, I hope….
James 1:19-20 says, “ My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Is God a smart cookie or what….I mean seriously! He knew from the beginning of time our anger would get our mouths moving and shut our ears off. That God of ours…whew! My husband has a poster on the fridge that says “Life can be frustrating; Thank Goodness God has all the answers!” Can a girl get an amen?! God wants us to be righteous and how does anger fit into that? It doesn’t. IT DOESN’T! Yikes….
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? There’s no such thing as righteous anger….it’s an oxymoron as far as I’m concerned. What about Jesus over turning the tables at the temple, you say? In Mark 11:12-19 we see the story about Jesus driving out those buying and selling at the temple.. It doesn’t say anywhere in that passage of scripture that Jesus was angry. That’s a Hollywood adaptation or even an assumption on our part. As a matter of fact it says that he drove them out and as he did he TAUGHT (V. 17) them what they were doing was wrong. It reminds me of parenting in a way. Your children frustrate you when they do things wrong (my friends have seen, and heard, my frustration on occasion) so what should you do? Teach them the right thing to do through discipline. Getting angry does nothing but put on a show…an unrighteous one at that. So even the supposed Righteous anger of our Lord wasn’t anger at all, it was discipline.
God is amazing in His understanding of us and the messed up way we think, and there is healing in His Word. I feel so much better than I did in that moment of my supposed “righteous anger”. Maybe I’ll just encourage the youth pastor for engaging the kids in a project to help them work as a team. Maybe I’ll even point out what a nice job they did…..*wink*
Ah, come quickly Lord Jesus….
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